The Self-Centred Bore

"What do you think of the latest tax the government has just imposed?

And the Council's decision that in our town all gardens must be enclosed?"

"Oh, not too good,

No government should

Raise taxes -certainly not,

They're just a greedy lot.

I really must bring you up to date with my latest tax affairs;

When I try to fill people in, it seems nobody really cares,

But I know that you are not like that and are really dying to hear,

About the hours it took to complete my income tax form this year."

"Have you heard of American plans for bombing a series of towns?

Don't you feel their behaviour now is totally out of bounds?"

"Hm. yes, of course that's true,

But really nothing new.

Some years ago I decided to go to America for a break,

Shunning the Continent for once, for a new adventure's sake,

I flew across on a Friday night and stayed there fourteen nights,

Which gave me plenty of time to see a number of towns and sites."

"Have you heard there's snow on the way, the worst we've every known,

With temperatures plummeting downwards till we're more like an Arctic zone?"

"Oh, are they? I didn't know.

Unusual, but there you go.

I once built a snowman when it snowed, and gave him a woolly hat,

I kept on adding snow to his sides so he ended up short and fat."

"What do you think of the NHS and the problems with A and E?

The shortage of doctors and nurses, so plain for all to see?"

"Hm, terrible, yes, I know,

But that is now things go.

I was in hospital once, and they carried out every test,

So many endless procedures, I hardly got any rest.

They prodded me here and prodded me there, and took my blood every day,

And at the end still couldn't be sure where the cause of my symptoms lay."

"The Thames is expecting a mighty surge which the Barrier can't prevent,

So its waters will soon be flooding over large slices of Essex and Kent."

"Oh, dear, how awful that will be,

But I don't live there so it won't affect me.

I went to visit the Barrier once; it's quite an impressive sight,

And must present a splendid view if gazed on late at night,

With its gleaming shapes of silver against the darkened sky,

It really looks so romantic, though I'm not really certain why."

"Have you heard about the new deadly disease which no-one is able to treat?

As all attempts to find a cure have resulted in utter defeat?"

"Oh, have they?  How sad!

Things really are bad.

I once picked up a nasty disease, which laid me low for days,

And during that time I was so ill my mind was in a haze,

The doctors said I was so brave, they really couldn't see

How anyone could cope so well - but coping, that's just me."

"The doctor's said I've got cancer, and there's nothing that they can do,

It's one of the most aggressive, and the months I've got left are few."

"Oh dear, are they?

How can they say?

The last time I went to the doctor, I thought I'd a terrible cold,

But they gave it another name - I've forgotten what I was told.

They gave me some yellow tablets to take after every meal,

And seemed to think my illness was really no big deal.

Though I really felt quite rotten and my temperature was sky high,

At one point I really was frightened that I might be about to die."